i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
