never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
