i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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