No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I will be naked everywhere
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize