genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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