Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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