we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
