Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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