Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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