i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
