I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
