Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
