I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
