It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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