What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
where are my pants?
in the oven.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
