I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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