You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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