Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
