your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
