my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
