I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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