If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
