Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
