Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
