I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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