I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
