false alarm. still invincible.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
