this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
