a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
