my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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