First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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