Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
