let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
