My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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