I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Someone signed my nipple.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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