Your face is a jimmy john
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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