I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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