On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
