I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
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