Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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