u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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