your parents love me but you hate me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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