Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
