I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
