Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
