It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
