whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
