I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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