next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
