I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
