I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
