I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
