Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
