I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
