Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
