You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
