Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize