i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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