btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
