They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
