coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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