Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
