just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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