i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I love you. Go after that dick
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
