Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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