I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
