It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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