k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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