I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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