Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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