Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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